Oh hey blog. Haven’t written on you in awhile. As my friend Angie said in her latest blog post, major life milestones have been happening:
- Took over as president of 85 Broads (Pittsburgh Chapter). I will be writing more about this kickass organization. Meantime, learn all about us here and then join!
- Helped with PodCamp Pittsburgh again (it’s happening tomorrow — October 5!)
- Got a new job in June and have been traveling and social media-ing like crazy
- Moved in August to a cute little apartment with my main squeeze
- Oh and one other detail: Wedding planning. I’M GETTING MARRIED NEXT SATURDAY!
- I also want to mention the duck here for good measure just because I love it a lot
Yeah yeah excuses. But this little blog was low priority the last few months.
Speaking of getting married, it brings me to this post. Before I tie the knot next weekend, a little dilemma has been swirling around in my head for a couple of months: My name change. I’m legally changing my name to match my new husband’s, but when it comes to a professional perspective, I’m torn. I thought about going by my FULL new name, Deanna Ferrari Tomaselli, but that is long, vowel-heavy, and it won’t fit in Twitter (I tried already…I’m a loser). So am I still Deanna Ferrari, or am I Deanna Tomaselli and hope people just come to learn my new name? Ferrari is VERY distinctive. It’s been that way my whole life. I sure love my last name. I love it so much it’s becoming my middle name. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy about my new name too. But when it comes to the social media and online world, I’ve built up my identity on it. I’m @dferrari or @d_ferrari everywhere. Yeah it’s a pain to change it, but my biggest concern is losing who I’ve built.
The Atlantic ran an article that couldn’t have come at a better time this week in regards to this same subject and gmail. Oh snap. I didn’t even THINK about email yet. The subhead is exactly what’s on my mind: that it’s more than just legal. You’ll need to rebuild your digital identity, too.
The article brings up excellent points, as does the comments. So I ask you, what do you think? I’m borderline crowdsourcing my decision here, people!
At the end of the day, it’s my decision. But I’m looking for what you did and your experience…so weigh in. I’d love your thoughts.
Signed,
Deanna Ferrari, maybe Tomaselli
(PS Will be blogging about the big day coming this November! Get ready)
Congrats on all your accomplishments, and especially your wedding. I did change my name but continue to include my maiden name professionally. It allows those who knew me “before” to continue finding me. It gives easy continuity to my career. But also, and you’re right that it’s a very personal decision, it makes a very public distinction of my commitment to my spouse and marriage.
Thanks Mary! There’s a lot to weigh in the decision. I guess I don’t have to decide right away, but I’d like to make the decision soon. Thanks for sharing your thoughts
Hey lady – First, congrats on the nuptials! It is such an exciting time in life. I was almost 30 when I got married and like you felt strongly about keeping my professional identity. Especially being in PR where I needed contacts to know my name. I also had many sentimental feelings about my name that made letting it go very difficult.
I’m sure that for as many ladies you hear from that were fearful of changing it for career reasons there are just as many that would tell you the effect was minimal. It is definitely a personal decision for every woman. I did not change mine, but I do use it on business cards and email sigs to plant the seed should I ever have a change of heart. Just do what is right for you and don’t ever let anyone make you second guess or feel bad about your decision.
Cheers!
Hey April. SO good to hear from you! Thanks so much for the well-wishes and for your thoughts. I’m almost 30 so I’m hardly established in my career, but I’ve now been around long enough that I have a name for myself. I’m not doing anything right away (not even personally — I don’t have any more days I can take off to make the change!!) so I have time to think it through. 🙂
Congratulations and best wishes for your big day! Since living in Colombia it has been interesting to see the different naming conventions here. Most people have four names: first name, middle name, father’s surname, mother’s surname. It used to be that women of my mother’s age would drop their mother’s surname and add “de” plus their husband’s first surname to their first (father’s surname) after marriage. Now women keep their surnames.
I like the fact that there is no pressure from him to change my surname when we marry (because I wouldn’t anyway) and that one day my kids will have a hybrid surname that is part mine and part his. Trouble is this doesn’t translate so well into English where we’re expected to only have one surname or at most a hyphenated one.
You could always keep your social media profiles as your established maiden name but use all three names professionally. You then have something old (your maiden name) and something new (your new full name), something borrowed (his surname) and only leaves you to find something blue!
That is really interesting stuff. And I thought 3 names were a lot! I love that tradition though.
And I LOVE your suggestion on something new old and borrowed! I’m thinking of keeping @dferrari but going by my new name: Deanna Tomaselli. I actually just ordered some magazines from my niece and used my new name to try it out! Baby steps 🙂